When Healing Hurts: The Emotional Toll of Therapist Grief

I don’t recall this being a significant part of our master’s program, and it’s clear now that we were not adequately prepared to face such an immense 𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒓𝒅.
I frequently receive requests for referrals from therapists seeking to transfer clients with suicidal ideation. When I once asked a fellow therapist why she referred a particular case, she admitted that she simply wasn’t prepared to lose a client, and I completely understood her position. It’s unsettling to work with someone who, despite all our efforts, may choose death over life. The pressure of having people look up to you while battling the fear of losing them is overwhelming. It can leave you burdened with guilt and self-doubt.

Holding space for someone during their darkest moments is one of the most challenging responsibilities we carry as therapists. When a client dies by suicide, the devastation is immeasurable. Various factors make it difficult for therapists to process this grief, including personal history, values, beliefs, career stage, guilt over missing warning signs, or feeling unprepared to establish a solid safety plan. There’s also the fear of not having built enough rapport for the client to reach out when they needed support the most.

As we observe 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 and focus on raising awareness, it’s equally important to address the emotional toll this takes on us as therapists. We need safe spaces to mourn our lost clients, to heal, and to return to our work without being permanently scarred by these losses or plagued by doubts about the care we provided.

Having personally worked through my own grief after losing clients, I now offer supervision and support to therapists struggling with this unique pain. If you need to talk, please don’t hesitate to reach out—I’m here to support you. For those seeking to understand more about therapist grief, I highly recommend the book – 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝑴𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒚 𝑨𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑴𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒂.

Would love to hear how you deal with grief; click and comment: Therapist