The Agony of the Good Child
There was a time I hated hearing the parable of the Prodigal Son in church. For those who don’t know the story – It’s about a younger son who demands his share, leaves home, loses it all, and comes back home in shame. His father welcomes him back with a celebration. Meanwhile, the elder son, who stayed all the time, worked for the father, and followed the rules, stands outside, angry and hurt that he was never celebrated for his perseverance and dedication. When he finally speaks, his father says, “Everything I have is yours. You could have asked.”
“Who has ever stopped you from taking what is yours?”
“I never asked you to take up these responsibilities.”
“You do so much and then list your efforts.”
I have heard these countless times from clients trying to make sense of- ‘The cost of being the good one’. I call it the Non-prodigal child’s agony. How one wishes one could be the prodigal one to get all the love and yet can’t muster the courage to do so!
I never related to the prodigal son. I felt like the elder one, the one who did everything right, who stayed when it was hard, who never asked for much. I remember how frustrated I would get listening to how the parable was explained, as a story of love, forgiveness, and grace. It felt unfair. I would argue with priests, with my mother, with anyone who told me I was missing the point.
What I couldn’t put into words back then was this- I was afraid. I didn’t know how to speak about the cost of being “the good one.” The weight of being reliable. The loneliness of being the one who didn’t fall apart.
Years later, I realised I had a choice. I didn’t have to stay bound to that version of goodness one shaped by fear, silence, and resentment. I could live from a place that felt more whole.
A few weeks ago, I heard the parable again. This time, I didn’t feel the same resistance. The story hadn’t changed, but I had.
If any part of this speaks to you, if you have ever felt like the one holding it all together, the one who was never allowed to need, I need you to hear this- ‘you are not alone.’
This is a support group, not therapy. A space to talk about the things that
– don’t always have a place
– family roles and responsibilities we didn’t choose
– boundaries we are learning to set, and sometimes we fail
– grief, guilt, silence, and everything in between
– and how all of this shows up in our relationships today
Whether you are trying to navigate distance, conflict, or just find your footing with family, this space is for you.
If you would like to join or know more, DM me here LinkedIn , I would love to know you and invite you to join me on this journey.